How I learned to finish what I started — Lessons from the last decade
It’s the end of an era!! A line I heard recently in an episode of friends where Monica describes an era as being “a significant period of time”. And in my books — a decade certainly is a significant period of time. As we barrel to the end of the decade, one of my work colleagues yesterday reminded me about Y2K and how it seems like not that long ago we were worried about our technology exploding at midnight as everything reset to zero. Now, 20 years later, we are living the star trek life as we shout to our devices across the room — “remind me to buy milk!”
As we wrap up this decade, I decided to return to my favourite blog writing tradition for one last time — and write the 10 lessons I have learned over the last 10 years. I am not sure what a new year or decade will bring for my writing — as it has changed a lot in the past 2 years from where I started so long ago — writing this first lesson. But no matter what happens, reflecting on life lessons has made a huge change in my life, and even if I am not writing them on a regular basis, I am not planning to stop altogether.
I began the last decade spectacularly — in the best physical shape of my life, and fulfilling a long time goal of running a half marathon — even if I barely made it over the finish line, due to running ill. And during the past 10 years, I changed job, moved back to Barbados, had health issues, became the heaviest weight of my life, had my heart broken, became an aunt to the most hilarious little boy, fractured my ankle, started this blog and wrote two books and published one of them (in a nutshell. So many other things also happened in between there). So many lessons. And the first lesson in this series is the thing I learned that first year, as I crossed the finish line of the Bristol half marathon — How to finish what I start. I have split this post into two parts — watch out for part 2 next week!!
One lesson I have learned over the past few years from finishing various projects including — 2 books, various blog challenges, and training programs — is that finishing and starting require two totally different skill sets. I had always been someone who was good at starting things — challenges, diets, books, courses, half marathons. Sometimes I would finish them strong, sometimes I would limp across the finish line, and sometimes they would fizzle out or go up in a blaze of glory before I had a chance to finish them. My most recent completions — publishing my book a few months ago, and completing a novel (a lifelong goal) have caused me to reflect on finishing, and have also prompted many conversations with others about finishing. Many people have asked me — how on earth did you finish that book. Some of them have been writing a book for years, and have unfinished (or almost finished) first drafts on their computer, or in a drawer somewhere. Some have goals that they can only seem to get a few weeks in before life gets in the way. And some won’t even start for fear of not being able to finish. And I understand that — there are many things that I started and didn’t finish as well.
But this recent achievement has caused me to reflect on what contributed to my ability to finish these last few projects, and I wanted to share them with anyone who is struggling to finish a large project, or has not even started for fear that they won’t be able to finish.
Before we begin
In truth what you do before you begin is critical to finishing. How are you approaching this goal? How much planning are you doing (or not doing?) Do you even know what you are trying to achieve? This will set you on a good road to finishing. But don’t fear — if you have already started your project or are already working towards your goal, these will still assist you in finishing strong!
What didn’t help?
Planning the project in detail all the way to the end. I am not saying that this doesn’t help anyone, but it definitely didn’t help me! It actually had little effect on my ability to finish, and in fact, I am pretty sure that if I had known everything that would be involved in self-publishing my book, I would NOT have even begun. On this I would say that some self reflection would be a great idea so that you know how detailed you want your plans to be, but I would also say — do NOT let your lack of a plan from start to finish prevent you from starting, as it is very possible to finish strong even when you don’t know how you are going to get there when you take your first step. Sometimes we want a detailed roadmap to start when what we need is a flashlight to illuminate your next step, and I know that is often how I work best.
What did help?
Defining “finished” and what success looked like for me. A big part of finishing strong for me was deciding when I have crossed the finish line. That doesn’t mean that new goals cannot be set, but it gives you something to aim for, and something to celebrate. I also had to remind myself that I get to decide what success looks like for me, and I can base that on my values and my ability, instead of on what someone else was achieving, or even aiming for.
What didn’t help?
Waiting to feel confident before I started. One thing that I found I needed in large amounts in order to finish a project was confidence. However, one thing I learned on my journeys — you can’t wait until you are confident to start your project. This is a mistake that I have made, and see many people make — waiting to feel supremely confident — like they can “boldly go” — before starting a big project. It has been my experience that courage is built through action, which means that in order to feel that courage, you have to take actions — while you are still scared! (and you may have to accept that you may still feel scared even after you have taken big action — in fact this is when you may feel the most scared). I know it may sound as if I am contradicting myself, but stay with me. I have found that confidence can be built through small wins — this means taking an action and gaining “success” or finishing. One example from my own experience is through my writing. Before I wrote my book, I started a blog, and my first win was to finish my first blog post. Doing this gave me the confidence to write another, and another. These gave me the confidence to finish a blog series that I worked on for several months, and with each completed blog post, I gained confidence and momentum. By the time I started my book, I had hit publish on almost 60 blog posts. This gave me the confidence to know that I could write the number of words I thought it would take to write a book. It gave me the confidence to know that I would not die if I shared my work, regardless of how it was received. You do not need to write 60 blog posts before you write your book, or embark on any other large project.
What did help?
Create a routine or ritual around the repeated steps that it often takes to complete big projects or milestones. In the example of writing — if you set yourself a regular time to write and do that every day for a few weeks, then it builds up the muscle very quickly, and builds the courage to know that you can sit and commit. The same with training for something like a 5K — set up a routine around increasing your walking daily/weekly, and you will be amazed at how much courage you can build.
Start before you are ready. Sometimes I feel that if I waited until I felt ready before I started, I would never start anything. So often I tell myself — I’m not ready but lets do it anyway!! One of the other things I find helps with building confidence and starting before I was ready was lowering the stakes. This is something I wrote extensively about here. I find that this is a great way to build courage, skill or stamina in the thing that we ultimately need to do to finish and reach the long term goal. Some excerpts from that blog post are below, or you can read the entire thing!
I am a recovering perfectionist. It doesn’t mean that everything I did was perfect (by any stretch of the imagination) but what it meant in practice was that I didn’t want to embark on a project until I had it perfectly planned out in my head, and I could be assured of the perfect result. Except, that’s crazy isn’t it? Much of the time we don’t have as much control over the outcome as we think!
An example I will use is my book… I have always wanted to write a book — since I was a child! Over the years the desire waxed and waned (although it never went away) but there was one thing standing in my way from starting it — I didn’t think I had good enough ideas. And as the years went by, I realized that I put more and more pressure on myself to come up with that perfect idea that would be the perfect book. And if I didn’t have it was there any point in starting and writing something mediocre? I put it off for so long, that it became this giant undertaking in my head until I had just about convinced myself it would never happen. Then I decided to start the blog. Looking back on it, this was my way of lowering the stakes. I didn’t need to have a fantastic idea that I would write three to four hundred pages on, I just needed to riff on a topic for a few paragraphs.
In the past, that would have seemed like a cop-out to me. Why write a blog when what I really wanted was to see my name as an author on the front of my book? But the truth is — sometimes when the stakes are lowered, I am willing to take so many more risks, and I am willing to release the “mediocre” version. For some reason, I was ok with imperfection when I was working on something that wasn’t “the thing”. And the lesson I learned from that was — sometimes clarity, competence — even excellence comes through doing, through practice, through being mediocre at something and working on it consistently over time. Through writing my blog, I gained the clarity and confidence to write the first draft of my book, I gained the courage to work with my editor and finally I feel comfortable releasing it out into the world. I always imagined writing a fictional novel. Through completing one book, I feel confident in my ability to complete a book, and that has encouraged me to try a hand at the fiction book I always wanted to write. Sometimes we need to lower the stakes and do the thing that isn’t “the thing” in order to gain our confidence.
So what is the low stakes version for you? Perhaps you want a new job and you are waiting for the “perfect thing” to come through your inbox — maybe you could do some volunteering and see if you can get a better feel for trying something different. Perhaps you want to write that book — why not try Nanowrimo — no one is looking over your shoulder so you can write to your heart’s content. You want to create some more art? Try a paint and sip class and get those creative juices flowing. Sometimes when the stakes are low, you can create something amazing — your own courage to chase after your biggest goals and dreams.
So right now — what can you do to prepare to finish before you even start? What is the low stakes or the smallest part of the big dream or goal that you want to bring to life? How can you start before you are ready? Comment below and tell me what helps you to finish, or what you want to create!! And there are links below to related blog posts, and to my book which is now available on Amazon!!!
And until then I send you big love from a small island!!
PS — Here are some links for you
And to read more about my book writing process, check out my feature on See Jane Write!
Read about Planning vs Magic
Read about How I built courage
Read about Redefining failure, Redefining success
PS above is me finishing a different race. Join me next week for part two!